I haven't been in "full-time ministry" since mid-August, when I left BGCT. It took me a good month to not feel like I was missing a meeting somewhere. This is my year of jubilee - my year to minister to myself the way I minister to others. It is November 11 and I am finally missing ministry, officially. The past few days I have been open to needs around me, feeling like there are so many hurts in the world. The last few weeks I have been burdened by horrible things that happen globally. Today, I just feel heavy. My heart, my head, my body. I feel weighed down by a million bricks. I heard a lecture by Christopher Hitchens, a noted anti-theist, and I left feeling even heavier.
I think this feeling of responsibility for the world is one I have had all my life. I let myself off the hook these last few months. Ultimately, because the world does NOT rest on my shoulders. Feeling like I am responsible for everyone else lets me feel special in some way. I do know that I am responsible for what God leads me to do. For the calling on my life, my days, my weeks.
So the burdens of these months have made my heart tired. I lay them down, one by one. I'll just name a few that have been on my mind. Sex trafficking, self-destructive lives of college students, people who live with no hope, the hate swirling around Prop 8 - from all sides, hatred of God, hatred done in the name of God.
What is God calling me to pick back up from the pile?
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us" Psalm 62:8
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i have a bit of blog fatigue myself; i am on the verge of starting a new one. it helps to linked up with a group like christian century bloggers or theooze or some networks like that. and when u come across some blogs you like- link them to you, and sometimes they'll return the blog love to you by linking you. it's neat way to vent and explore some of your thoughts and find your writing voice. keep it up. give your soul some rest and pick up those things that burn within you :)
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