Home for the holidays

I flew back to Texas on Tuesday. Got up at 3:30AM to make my 6AM flight. Crazy early. Ellen picked me up and we had lunch with Brian. They are the coolest little family. Mikayla has grown so much! Spent two nights at Ginger's house. She worked during the day so I took her car. I know I drove more in one day than I do in a week in Cali. Felt good to be back in Houston. Like home, like I never left somehow. I had to keep telling myself that "I don't live here anymore." Saw my friend Mary and caught up. Visited two pastors from my work with BGCT. So good to talk with them, not as their consultant. Things have changed so much in the ministry here. Lots to pray for the new person. Ate at Melting Pot with Ginger - amazing food! I am pretty sure we ate all the food they brought us. Then my sister came to bring me to East Texas. Got to see my nieces all day today. They missed me, still know and love me. It is a huge gift to be in their lives. Headed to Palestine soon. For Christmas :) Somehow I miss my friends in Cali at the same time. Living back in Texas in August seems more real now. Lots of great days ahead. Hope you have a rich holiday and know how blessed you are!

Hope for hope from the Message

Jer 29:11 I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Psa 62:5 God, the one and only-- I'll wait as long as he says. Everything I hope for comes from him, so why not?

Lam 3:20 - 26 I remember it all--oh, how well I remember-- the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: GOD's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with GOD (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from GOD.

Last day, last class of my phd career...

Today was completely surreal. I realized driving home last night that today at 1Pm would be my final hours of coursework for the PhD. I realize I still have mentoring to do in the summer, comps to pass and a dissertation to write. BUT - it is a milestone. I may not sit in another classroom as a student for another degree again! Hopefully I'll be the one teaching. I dressed up for our Christian fellowship party and just made it a day of parties. Went to Rosemary's class and had more party food. When the class ended, all I felt was tired. Like I could just go home and sleep. Instead, I worked out. Then hit the Religion party for dinner. Grilling steaks tomorrow night for the real celebration.
I journaled about my last 2.5 years - from the time I first heard about the program at DBU. To the interview. The call from Karen Bullock saying I was in. I will never forget that convo. The Dallas institute - a classmate called it PhD mission trip. It kind of was. The terror that was Stats I. The revival in Stats II. An amazing summer session in DC - possibly my fav part of the program overall. The untold number of drives I made to DBU, along with a packed weekend of work and LTI. Deciding to spend my third year somewhere else - and the miracle that was CGU. Oxford. And this semester.
How can I give enough thanks to God? To my family and friends. To my Grandma Margaret. I know there is still a ton of work ahead. But today - I rest in the knowledge that God is faithful and I can face anything. Anything.
Wherever you are - celebrate for me! Be glad, say a prayer of thanks to our sustaining God.

31 Days

I am celebrating Advent in a new way this year. I decided to make December the 31 days of letting go. Letting go of the old things, welcoming new things. So...each night when I journal, I decide on something that I need to truly release in my heart. I have these jumbo index cards for comps - definitely added to the retreat supply box :)

Yesterday was my first letting go experience. I write the thing on the top line and then journal how specifically I will let it go. Then I think of a scripture that will minister to that need, write it on the bottom of the card. Should have a nice collection by the end of the month. May not be something I can let people read though.

Today is day 2. I am letting go of present-tense language when I talk about BGCT. I keep saying "my students" and "our office". And I keep using the word "we" even though I have been gone from there since August. So tonight...I am letting go of this specific language.

Will I have enough things to let go of for 31 days? What will I have left then? Interesting.

Breathless

I started working on index cards to study for comps. I take a stack of about 20 cards, spend the day the library and find as much as I can on each topic. Tedious. Slow, slow progress, but I have to start now instead of waiting until summer. I am in the "c's" today and was looking up Charlemagne. I read about his personal biographer, Einhard, and the CGU library had the book he wrote. I was excited to go find it. When I reached for it - I think my heart skipped a beat, my breathing sped up just a little. I realized that I was about to read the actual words written in the 800s. It struck me that it is amazing we can go to the actual source of so many crucial people - read the words they wrote. Words that changed and shaped generations of people - and even shaped me in some ways. We can read what Plato wrote - not just the commentaries on him.
Einhard was a friend and contemporary of Charlemagne. Had conversations with him. Knew what he looked like day-to-day.

Then I thought of scripture.

We have the actual testimonies of people who walked with Jesus. They knew him face to face. They had conversations with him and heard him laugh. We have stories from Moses about what actually happened on the way out of Egypt. We don't just have to read commentaries. We can read it from people who were actually there.

It should make you a little breathless too.

My Thanks

How trendy to give thanks at thanksgiving...

I went to a worship service on campus tonight - all undergrads from the five colleges. I'm sure I was the only CGU person. They got up to speak their thanks. I kept thinking of things I would say, and decided to blog them instead.

I am thankful...
- for the students that made ministry so amazing in Texas. I missed them tonight. I'll miss being at the College Retreat in January. I saw so many Asian students, I felt right at home (besides being the oldest in the room)
- that I have had a whole semester free of paid-work. I have been free of so many obligations - it is incredible.
- for my family that I won't get to see at Thanksgiving. For my adoptive family out here that has invited me over for great food and the Texas game.
- for friends that have been by my side with this new journey (despite the time change struggles)
- for a new circle of friends that have lunch, go to beaches, go to movies, sit and laugh - what a gift you all are to me!
- that December 12 marks the END of my PhD coursework. Can you believe it??
- that hope cannot be killed, no matter how hard you try.

I hope your thanksgiving is full of peace.

Saturday

My friend LaChe has been such a good exploring buddy. We find cool beaches and try to find new things to do in SoCal. We went to the Getty yesterday - it was my second time there. It is a gorgeous building made of Italian marble, set up on a hillside in West LA. There are four buildings with exhibits and another for art research. We took books to study, but never did use them, of course. I needed some culture to feed my soul - and I found it. Monet's painting of Sunrise. This one painting looked like Psalm 23 - with a shepherd by still water. This one room had incredible paintings of women - one of a Greek procession. Another painting showed a scene of a man in the moonlight that drew me in - almost like I was there. What gifts these artists left us.

Over lunch, a demon bee terrorized my friend. I was brave though. I wanted to kill it, but she had some weird Buddhist love for the demon bee. So...I took a plastic cup and trapped it. Clever, huh? We could eat in peace and could stop moving tables to get away from the persistent insect.

Left around 3 to find the nearest beach - which was Santa Monica pier. Watched the sunset, saw the lifeguards rescue someone, watched the ferris wheel lights on the pier. Oh, and the parking meter did not give me change for my $5 - but rather stole it. Quite the money making scheme for the city.

On the way home, my GPS froze up. Completely would not respond. Now, how am I supposed to explore without a GPS?